my funny valentine :) no name yet.

this pet has no-name yet. hmmm maybe i should call him no name :)

i love free and recycled, repurposed....

yes, these are pallets. :) and they are gorgeous bookshelves :)

my macbook is finally loved by me :)

there is nothing wrong with mac. just the proprietary software writers from apple. ie. iPhoto, etc.
but when u plug in good 3rd party software into this machine, it begins to be useful :)

some essential software to dowload:

1. CrossOver for gaming and using other windows based programs.
2. Screenshot plus 3.0 widget for dashboard that let's you take screenshots without using "grabber" by apple.
3. docdoctor for pimping out your doc
4. lotsa water screensaver--so cool makes your desktop a pool. and we know that I LOVE WATER.
5. tubetv--saves youtube videos
7. google notifier--kind of works...
8. flip4mac--to see vids that were made windows media player
9. firefox or opera--for those times when safari quits on you--clearing it's cache usually helps or restarting--blah.
10. steam--to play HL games!!
11. coconut wifi 2.0-shows u and connects to wifi's more quickly esp. when travelling than using the native apple network setup-which is fast anyway, but coconut is better


welll that's my list for now, but as soon as i find an easy macbook windows resizer i'm posting! but it's been 3 months now, and i finally figured out how to game on this thing so...i'm off to play some Day of Defeat on this mofo!

yay!

i maybe eating my words...crossover playing steam games ON A MAC. *jaw drops*

not to mention, i don't have to buy windows xp RETAIL (i have winxp OEM for sys builders...dammit) for mac's bootcamp to work--although i hear the gaming is faster with bootcamp...
2. you don't have to reboot and dual boot
3. smaller on your hd and no partitioning!
4. BIG PRESENT TO ME: 30 DAY IMMEDIATE FREE TRIAL :) HERE: http://www.codeweavers.com/products/download_trial_macosx/?done=1

pc girl forever. i am not mac compatible...yet

okay soooo i fell for all the hype and bought a mac.

no bueno. as my friends like to say.

do not buy a mac if you are a gamer. and by games i mean the hard core shyt that i like...like HL2 or Counterstrike, day of defeat, Call of Duty, Flight Simulator 2005, or X, whatever version they are on now...or even the Sims2 with all their bloody modules, and who can forget Battlefield!?!?! or BIOSHOCK?!?!?!

YOU CANNOT PLAY ANY OF THIS COOL SHIT ON A FUCKEN DORK ASS MAC. i knew that but i didn't think a 128 mb card would be limited to playing chess. :P that sucks.

do not buy a mac if you want to save money. Build a fucken awesome pc. WHY DID I SELL MY GAMING COMPUTER?!?!?! and killer now discontinued aluminum Coolermaster ATC 220 case??! why oh why?

okay that being said here are reasons to actually buy a mac.

1. stable as heck.
2. slim as heck.
3. battery life is unrivaled.
4. Front Row remote controlling is the shit! easy fast fun.
5. photobooth is the coolest.
6. iphoto is good for printing ur photos on cards, posters, books etc. and it's linked with your apple account for iTunes.
7. itunes is controlled with Front Row :)
8. Garage band is really great.
9. has a ton of features that i may never use in iLife, but i can see if i bought a printer i would use alot of it. resumes, etc.
10. widgets in dashboard are awesome and flawless. pc's have them too but not as good, or drains alot of power from it.
11. mac tech specs are so 2 years ago. Come on. i have a 128MB video card...and i can't play a freaking FIRST PERSON SHOOTER???? wtf am i paying high dollar for then!??!?! this thing should have 256 MB at least! but of course that's an upgrade. Upgrade? to 2 years ago technology? i ask u...
12. idisk is a cool feature but you have to again pay..another 100 bux
13. apple care for 3 years is 299? what the fuck? just guarantee the damn thing, u built it.
14. oops i realized #13 is not a pro it's a con..sorry.
15. i will eventually use iMovie or Final Cut pro and get a good paying job, editing. But now that i'm thinking about it, do i want some sit down job that makes my ass fatter? and my vision worse??? NOT REALLY.
12.

another good idea...kind of like how the reece's peanut butter cup came together

more things i like...

and more things i like

more things i like...

things i like

looker

this was my first date movie. i went with a boy named Britton White III. he was a little pot head but blonde and very cute and in my 8th grade drama class. His mother took us to this movie. I picked the movie. hahaha. leave it to a lesbian to pick this movie for her heterosexual date. LMAO. Yah i just wanted to stare at the chicks...

i wish they had susan dey's eerie but erotic spiel on here: "Hi I'm cindy. I'm the perfect type, ages 18-34. i'm here to sell for you..."


I still think this movie is hot.

omg i found it!!!

did anyone ever see Snoopy Come Home? it aired sometime in the 70's and was never re-aired again. WHY??? BECAUSE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF LITTLE KIDS LIKE ME AT THE TIME CRIED AND CRIED. It was the worst most depressing piece of tv ever and CBS never showed it again because it was that horrible and scary to kids. Before VCR's i used to have my tape recorder and copy all the songs from tv. I had this song on tape for years. I would tell people about that episode but nobody remembers watching it. But since youtube.com someone else had it!!

whenever someone leaves i always think of this stupid song.

the answer to what nobody understands...

this is why i am still in love with that girl.

paula and i, well we were grace & cary...totally.

she inspired the best in me and i'm sure she gave me her best.
if i ever find that again i will never ever let some faux hawk take it away again...

p.s. alfred hitchcock is hilarious with the fireworks...LOL!!

drunk dialing...

so last night was crazy.

how did things get so out of hand? i don't even know. okay maybe the word is "alcohol." omg. i totally called becca and ranted at her. i was so pissed by hearing from like the 5th person that i quote unquote "professed my love for her" on new years eve.

i so did not profess my love. i told her two things that night. that one: when she did my tarot reading once in the summer and i had pulled really good cards that i had thought of her as my question and two: when she asked me if liked her, i agreed and said, "yes you attractive to me, yes." but then i went on all about paula!!! cause that's who i love. whatever.

so when megan i was talking to megan last night and she told me that rebecca said that i had "professed my love" i freaked out. i walked right out of vibe and got on the phone and just cussed the fuck out of her message machine. i truly sounded insane i'm sure. gads. but i was so sick of hearing that nonsense that i "professed my love" that is such bullshit.

she makes it sound like i got down on one knee or something. puhleeze. so i called her everything terrible in the book. i feel really stupid about it, but i can't take it back now. it's out there. jeeze. how did i let her get to me?!?!?!? i'm more pissed about her not paying money back than the loss of our friendship. but still i feel really bad that i called her everything evil. but maybe she will stop spreading that story that i professed my love. gads.

she is fucking unbelievable. i called linzoid and she was her usual helpful self and i love her to pieces. she was like whatev it's okay. whew. :) cause i know reba is gonna go around with that fucking phone and let everyone listen to my drunken cuss out fest. lol. i went alec baldwin on that bitch. oops. lol.

oh well what can you do when someone pushes you to the fucken limit of your patience.
i only wish i had been as clear as alec...
but i think i got to the names much faster and without any clarity....



in other news i got that trainer girl to like me, and dance with me :) haha i told her she need to upgrade her gf when she said i looked like her girl. she said maybe she should and smiled at me. then she grabbed me on the dance floor. she didn't let me kiss her, but i left her there when i walked my friend stephanie out. lol. said goodbye and went and hung out with celeste and dre. :)

we were crazy at homme! dollar drinks and kela. lol. then it was vibe and i totally dissed that fake ass mikaela kay. she noticed. haha good. i'm sick of people treating me like jerks just because i'm nice. i'm not letting people get away with their crap anymore and treating me like a doormat. :P why can't people just realize your worth when you're nice. i hate being mean but mean gets u respected for some stupid reason.

sooo tonite was weird.

had fun with linzoid and chrissy. we watched Fargo at chrissy's house. her apartment is sooo cute! it's soooo California! I would love to shoot something there and she said i could. Lindsay picked me up at the Rock, and then we headed over. I'm glad we didn't go to la roca, and drink. we picked up some dickey d's and a bag o ice, and trekked over there.

when we were going in we met this weird guy named will. reminded me of miguel--the perky persistent neighbor. anyway he came in to say hi for a bit. he has an odd job working in funeral homes. anyway...weird day like i said.

chrissy was getting on her new laptop and was proud that she got the cable modem and wifi set up by herself. :)

she's a very sweet person :)

we talked a lot of crap about people in the community and had some laughs. lindsay kept looking at me strange all night. maybe because i was saying how i really felt about things. since i'm so over everything and everybody.

then we went to courtney's house and she had all kinds of fun things to play and look at, at her house. she had a millipede arcade game, in this room full of toys!!! she's my hero. :)

we had dinner there some yummy chicken and vegetable greens like bok choy and brussel sprouts and squash. that was really good. lindsay had to leave but then chrissy took me with her to karaoke. courtney was asking me about my love life. i told her i'm not interested in anyone, even if some people are interested in me...anyway, she said tonite was my night because i didn't care about meeting anyone and that i would meet someone. she kept making obscene gestures with her hands...lol

it was really embarrassing. lol.

anyway we head over to the bar, and i'm alone for a long time. stupid nikki was there with her new gf. ugly. haha. anyway, i'm getting more pissed off by the minute, and i ask her if she has my sewing machine. she says, "jessica has it" i say, "good." then she says with this stupid smile, "is that your way of trying to talk to me?" i say, "i have no wish to know you or becca ever again" she says, "i don't know why we ever did." i say, "you're both douchebags." and i keep sipping my beer. she says nothing in response. i keep sipping my beer.

it was awful. i never cared about the money.i was just pissed that she had told me to take my friendship and shove it up my ass over 20 stupid dollars that she had already owed me. all i wanted was to be repaid my money eventually, and i've been patient, waiting since july of 2007, and i texted becca saying i wanted my 250 asap.

anyway some lady started talking to me, and we talked all kinds of politics, and i started talking to this girl (bethany) next to me, who i kept making laugh, anyway, long story short, we end up making out, courtney is making obscene gestures to me, and i'm laughing my freaking head off, but trying not to let the girl see me. guess where she lives? fucking casa grande. omg.

i can pick em. soooo anyway she's just an alright kisser and i walk out with lindsay to have a cigarette and tell her that. she says to me in her all-knowing lindsay way, "she's not blonde enough for you..." or something like that, and she is soooooo right on the mark. i'm not really turned on by brunettes. i mean look at suzanne. if suzanne can't turn me on, and she's an amazing kisser (we totally match styles) but i feel nothing?!?! this girl really had no chance either.

but i can't be rude, i go back in the bar and she pulls me close and kisses my neck and stuff, and i'm dancing on her, but not feeling a damn thing for her, the anticipation is gone because the first kiss is over, and it wasn't as nice as a kiss from paula, so i don't care...

anyway, i feel awkward about the whole thing, talk to her more, and want to go home. i ask her to walk me to my car, and she says okay, we walk through this alley, big clean well lit alley, nothing crappy, and anyway, i push her up against the wall in this little alcove and it's cold and we are making out all over the place, and i'm really trying to feel something but nothing is happening for me. it should be hot, it should be fantastic, IT SHOULD BE. but it's not. luckily i got my watch caught on a piercing on her neck, and it hurts her. we go back to our grope fest, and then it gets kind of hot, and i'm doing all kinds of stuff to her and she's doing the same to me, then i start worrying about bums coming through or cops, and somehow my watch gets caught again, and kills her. i hold her for a long while and apologize, and it's a nice moment. actually better than the rest of it all. and i say i have to get up early and she walks me to my car. she holds my hand the whole way back to my car, and asks me about my hillary posters and again i have to kiss her goodnight. she says see you soon or something. i don't know. i didn't care. i came home and just feel empty because it wasn't meaningful to me at all and not even that pleasurable... it was just weird.

i don't like random hookups anymore. i want a relationship that lasts. with someone who looks & acts somewhat like the following: grace kelly. ARGH I MISS PAULA.

president Gordon B. Hinkley died yesterday evening. He was 97. He besides President Spencer W. Kimball were my favorite leaders of my church.

I got to see President Hinkley in Korea. I had to choose from going to a Carlos Santana concert right next door or going to see the prophet of my church speak. I'm glad i chose to see the prophet. I wanted to know if he was really a man of god. I wanted to know that if i could feel something about him or anything from him. I did. I knew the moment he walked in the room. He was gentle as a lamb, and funny and he had a lot to say to the korean members of the church. Especially to the korean men. Because the korean men are very sexist. He told them that just because they are a patriarchial society doesn't mean you treat the women as below you because you're a man. He reminded them gently but firmly that spending their time with their families was more important than making money and helps foster love in the home from their wives who do a lot of work that they needed to recognize.

He said a lot more, but that really stuck with me, that he knew exactly what was going on in that country, because i witnessed all those drunken soju-ed up business men on a nightly basis roaming and being total jerks, and seeing the wives alone with their children all day for hours and hours, because they don't stop working. korea is a hard place, and lovely too, but very hard.

he knew just what to say and more importantly he said it with so much love and care, that it didn't offend you. it made you want to try harder in your life. to strive for excellence.

I'm glad i went to see him. When i read he died, i wasn't sad for him at all. I knew he had a great life, and would just be extending it into the next life. I knew he'd be happy wherever he is going. i smiled for him.

p.s. i did get to see carlos santana play that night. after the concert i was walking by, nobody was there, maybe 50 people. maybe 80. it was so small like a nightclub full on this huge outdoor concert grass like theatre--like cricket pavilion but with only 4 rows full. lol. anyway it was like 100 dollars to go, but as i was peeking through the fence, a korean boy who was standing at the gate waved me in. i said i didn't have any money, but he smiled and waved me in. I was so excited! and carlos santana hadnt even played any of his good old songs yet! so it really started the moment i got there. :) i heard everyone of my favorite santana songs, and it was a killer nite. :) on both counts.

so i am at it again. emptying my life of unnecessary items. books, movies, your basic dust catchers.

i have realized that all you need is just a few things to be happy.

and what i have right now is not making me happy. i don't know exactly what is going on with me. but i have chronic malaise. i hate where i live. i'm so sick of trying and trying and not succeeding. i'm so sick of not understanding things that most people know but knowing plenty of things that seem irrelevant or too brainy for them. i'm so sick of being book smart. i'm so sick of feeling clueless.

i was having a regular conversation with a friend of mine and the people i was with said, "we don't know what they're talking about they're too into their intellectual zone." WHATEVER. SORRY WE KNOW HOW TO USE THE FUCKEN ENGLISH LANGUAGE. SORRY WE KNOW ABOUT TECHNOLOGY. SORRY WE CARE ABOUT SCIENCE. it wasn't even quote unquote "intellectual." It was such boring info that it barely made a blip on my inner radar screen to make me think, "wow this is a really good conversation." IT WAS SOOOOO STUPID.

& i'm so sick of seeing all my ideas not come to fruition because i don't have the $$$$ to back it and make it, and only to flip in some fucking magazine and see my idea and see someone else making beaucoup dollars from it.

i have to do something different in my life, like move to san diego or to seattle or paris or something. MY BRAIN IS GONNA ROT FROM THE STUPIDITY AROUND HERE.

today i'm starting over.

i'm going back in time. i am going to pretend that it's a year and 1/2 ago. amy has just left me. i never met paula...i never fell in love with sarah. it was just me devastated and living here alone with my hamster. the cats are gone, the halls of my house now echo without her voice in the kitchen, the living room, the bedroom. i'm starting over.

i had plenty of money. two good cars. only 3000 dollars worth of debt, that i could pay off next month easily. i'm back in time. i'm on the treadmill everyday busying myself from the dizzying and nauseating pain that she caused by cheating on me. i'm fixin her resumes to say, "skills: filing, typing, can cheat on a lover at the drop of the hat, data entry," boy did michael laugh at that!!! boy did i laugh when amy called stunned and said, "i sent those out..." lmao.

yes, i'm back in time. i'm no longer poor, i didn't lose my two cars to two thieving bitches named nikki and becca. i haven't had my heart stomped on by paula. i never met what was supposed to be a one night stand--annie. i never disappointed myself by drinking my skin into oblivion...i never got a dui. i'm still an upstanding good citizen, because i'm back in time.

with my newly found credit, with the chance to invest in apple stocks, with a whole wide world open to me. i can live in paris like i've always dreamed, i can get away from these stupid moronic bores that i constantly meet who have nothing to say to me except "we got so drunk" yah that's like the 356th time i've heard that. what else do you do?

i would have jingle in my pocket again, and i could still look myself in the mirror...

i need a major change. period. i'm starting over it's exactly 1 year and 1/2 ago. i'm newly divorced from what has been my life for the last year and a 1/2.

i am on the wrong path...

i have been hanging out with nothing but trash
everything around me is crass

i have hit rock bottom
i have crashed.

i have not met more than
one handful of people
who are worth a damn

i am lost
i no longer know
exactly who i am

am i just a bunch of idiotic professions?
can i just be liked for myself and
my passionate expressions?

i have thoughts
and words
they have never heard
from me

there are places i would rather be
but they dont know that
about me
cause they don't bother
to really get to know me


it's time i live my own reality

i'm over her, but apparently my subconscious says otherwise...

i had a great dream last night. well it was pretty average at first, but then it turned into to a nice one :)

i seldom dream of water unless i'm extraordinarily unusually happy and usually it is of a secret beach that i love. it is more like a cove. with big boulders jutting out of crystal blue water, sometimes it's icy cold other times it's blissfully warm and summery. once, i when it was icy cold, kirsten dunst and i were diving for gold deblumes :)

i haven't dreamt of that beach for awhile now, probably since i was with paula. i had plenty of reasons back then to extraordinarily happy, so i naturally dreamt of it. :)

but last night i dreamt of the same beach but in lake form. i was hiking through arizona and stumbled upon an icy dark blue lake with my beach in the center of it. There were tall granite white rocks jutting out from the trail, and a wooden log covered bridge along side of it.

people were not yet in the lake and it was very beautiful. i wanted my camera. because the lakes colors went from hawaiian ocean light blue to dark just beyond the circle of rocks in the center.

i ran along the side of the lake through the covered wooden log covered bridge there were gorgeous pine trees surrounding it. i jumped in so fast that the icy cold hit my lungs and nearly choked me. but i was so happy. (by nature i'm a waterbug)

anyway, somehow it meshed into a school event and i was on a team. i was as athletic as i used to be. i was on every team, i was successful in school, i was happy.

as my team was going into competition, we had a party at my aunt's house in scottsdale, (which used to be the center of all family events) and there was a christmas tree, and the dining table filled with everything she created, tons of presents, but mostly there was warmth. i was happy and put on my swimsuit, a bikini top and long board shorts (my current swim suit), and jumped into a white foamy pool with white hot underwater lights.

i was having so much fun swimming in the heated pool and feeling great when someone taps me on the shoulder from behind.

it was paula.

she smiled at me and her green eyes flickered with light, and i immediately smiled back and said, "put your arms around my neck.."

i felt her arms curl around my body and then i dove under the water with so much speed it amazed me. then i jumped out of the water like a dolphin with her still clinging on and then we went back under the warm yummy clear water. i was so happy in that moment that it woke me up.

usually my dreams do not have real persons in them. or the people i know do not look like themselves. but she looked exactly as she really does. she looked and felt and smiled as if it was sooooo real.

for a moment i thought it was.

darn it. :(

cell phone picture dump...

cellphone dump

and the unloading of my cellphone continues

unloading my cellphone of pics

ah, my people...SAN DIEGANS.

just got an invite to this years Hilltop High, reunion so naturally i googled it. i found this. ha! omg ASB pep rally's...i totally forgot. yes i used to sit in that damn concrete ampitheater...that's where i first tasted tequila...2nd row in the middle, during p.e. class when one of the "loadies" gave it to me. HAHAHA.

yah. same nuts, same fun, same ENTHUSIASM as my year! but um, question: why haven't they painted the back of the gym yet?!?!

i think i could take animal...but not buddy....*sigh*

i need to practice more....

i'm getting the hell out of this country!

i want to buy shares in this company!

first off. gorgeous. second, definitely the future. very cool.

but i have questions...

1. how much would your energy bill be per month?
2. how much fucking resolution does this screen use?
3. great for playing with your photos but um, i don't see adobe photoshop in there....so how practical is it anyway?
4. what the hell are they really using it for? so you can touch stuff....not a big deal unless you're ACTUALLY able to work on things....and get STUFF DONE.

i am the tigers treat

i am raw
like a piece of meat

my heart is meat
my head is meat

there is no one i'd even like to meet

not even u
or her
or him

love doesn't win
smiles don't get you in
kindness is some kind of sin
everything hangs on the head of a pin

delicate secrets that i'll never know
ways of living that they'll never show

it's like warhol said
"meeting others is a bore,
all they want to know is where the next
party is, whatta snore"

i agree with you andy,
and to all you pretty feeding kitties
i will let you gnaw
on me no more.

-------------------------

HEAR IT HERE http://madchenporter.googlepages.com/tigerstreatbysflipse.mp3

i hate putting myself out there. it's scary and not fun. but this is 2008 and i'm gonna be me. i've learned alot this year about people, and i still need to learn much more.

i finally had closure about paula, thanks to someone she lived with who told me all the nice things paula said about me to her when they lived together. paula said she felt bad that she hurt me and felt like she had led me on. she was trying to get over ryan, and well i guess that's when she met me, but ryan was never out of her head. i can deal with that. i'm not trying to stop anyone from true love, cause that's what i want for myself. then i guess ryan was trashing me to paula a few times, and this person heard paula say a few times that she didn't want to hear anything bad about me, because i was a nice girl who was wonderful to her, and for ryan to shut up. :) :) :) she also showed this person she was living with my everyday photo site after we had said we weren't going to date anymore. she saw a picture of me with ponytails being goofy and sticking my tongue out at the camera, she told the girl, "that isn't sabrina." she didn't understand the photo probably cause i tried to be so--there isn't any other word for this, and it sounds sooooooooo corny, but she totally inspired me to be-- "debonair" around her...lol...well i guess she never really knew me, because i'm a goofball and yeah i never really let paula see that side of me, which is partly why we stalled, i didn't know what to show her next... i was afraid that she would think i was a foolio...which i am, and i don't care if i am, cause like rebecca says, "bina, not the bad crazy, but you're the good kind of crazy" :)

so yay! i'm happy that's over with and i can finally *whew!* move on! yay!!!!!!!! i can't think of any better way to end the year than that! can you?

my ex-gf can still amaze me. best video i think she has ever made, besides the one she did for the housing department.

Things my dad was right about.

i could be cruel, and leave this blank, but today i thought of something my dad was actually right about.

scene from past: (wayne's world wavy lines)

dad enters room. dad says to daughter: "put things back where you got them from!"

dad exits. girl grumbles to self.

scene of girls future:

girl typing on computer in her blog:

focus tightly on typing:

my new years resolution list includes:

1. keeping my #$%#$%$$#@@&&& keys in one spot.

end scene.

death by ashley album cover

lmao!

this bldg asked to pose twice :)

love this song!

playing w necklace larry sent for the shoot :)

vintage chrissy

*Yum* like *bubbl3* guM!

i was fragile
but now i'm strong

now i know it was
you
and not me
that was wrong

you cut me off
what could i do
except think
that my pedestal
would always hold you

but that has come down
you have come down
you walk on earth
around this town

you skulk
you hide

you tricked
you lied

i was honest
i was fair
i was loving
more than i have ever dared

yes you walk on earth
not in the clouds
you walk in dirt
in muddy shroud

i should have said this to you
i should have said to this to me

i should have said this definitely

papa the christmas cat :)

amy bought me this cat so i would bond with catkind...i was a former "i only like dogs" kind of person. Anyway, i lost the cat in the divorce...and now that amy and i have reconnected she sent me this photo of papa under the christmas tree. :)

my ode to deena part deux :)

my ode to deena :)

deena eat your heart out. I have photobooth on the mac :)

easy face-lift :D cheap too!

 
my beautiful friend lindsay

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

omg! when did Decklyn become a shoe?

 

 

 
bitches pay attention! :)

:)

exactly the mood i am in right now

 
what your lesbian teachers do after school. LOL. jess & erin!

macbook test movie

yes i am aware that i sound stoned...lol :)

 
i'm only looking at her bruise...c'mon... :) nice bruise :)

omg this is the cutest thing ever!

best thing i learned today on my mac widget:


je myspace de volonté vous directions


translation: i will myspace you directions...

LOL! loving this computer!

lindsay's bad day. awe. :)

well i've lost a lot of sleep using my new machine.

the mac environment is very different. The beauty of PC's would have to include my favorite app, Picasa. But I've just started using iPhoto, and they have a pretty good basic edition of something that looks like Camera Raw's little brother.

Here's my mini pro/con list.

pro-final cut pro machine
con-price

pro-dashboard widgets
con-i don't know where all the good mac sites are!

pro-quiet machine
con-kind of heavy and slick, i'm afraid i'll drop it

pro-easy set up!!!! i opened my box and it was charged and ready to go
con-extra programs are expensive!

pro-battery life rocks!
con-keyboard feels weird

pro-it will get me a better job once i start editing
con-i hate how the windows do not maximize to the full screen! annoying!

pro-it can run windows xp!
con-i left my disks at smashley's house and can't try it out yet!!!

pro-applications make themselves pretty for mac
con-you have to relearn old programs you already know....lol.

pro-wifi is excellent
con-so many program wrappers. i don't know what they are called, but that's what i'm gonna call them because they litter my desktop like opened discarded candy wrappers...

pro-so many things to explore!
con-so many things to explore!


well there are probably a ton more, but that's what i noticed so far.

Posting live from MAC LAND!

i just got my first mac! it's a white macbook pro with a superdrive. I am ecstatic! When i figure out everything, i will post some photos, but right now this hard drive has zero miles. :)

yummy!

 
dancer, the Sway List Party


so the best thing about last night had to be a small dance with lindsay.

it was lindsay's birthday and she had to work. she was really upset about it. even when her girlfriend had domenica announce her bday at midnight and everyone sing to her, and she brought in a cake with lit candles..lindsay didn't look very appreciative or anything. she looked blank, and even maybe upset. anyway, so i was trying to joke with her all nite like always, and she tells me she's just in a weird mood and tries to flash me a couple of smiles. but it wasn't working those smiles were so forced. well anyway, some song comes on and lindsay is standing there looking totally vacant, and weird, and i butt her in her chest with my head like i'm a ram, :) and silently push her backwards. she says kind of in a happy non-resistant way, "what are you doing?!" and i don't answer, i just keep pushing, then i look up and around us i show her with my eyes the dance floor, and i nod and i put my hand on her waist, and my other in her hand, and i begin to make her dance, she's TOTALLLY SMILING. :) it was the greatest sight, then she looks up at the ceiling as i'm spinning us around, and she says, "i hate this song" but she is sooooo smiling, so i twirl her more and more, and she is totally having fun. but then i freak out inside, because i realize how much i really like lindsay, and suddenly i don't want her to think i like her *which is ridiculous because she already knows* haha*, so i freak out and stop smiling and begin to act business like with her...so lindsay totally picks up on my vibe and we quickly end the dance, which was sooooo good and would have continued to be good if i hadn't of ended it. ack. :) anyway i walk with her side by side, with my hand around her waist, holding her other hand and deliver her back to where i picked her up. it was great. we stood side by side talking to other people and while she was talking to other people she then grabbed my arm twice and gently rubbed, like saying, "thanks sabrina that was great." it WAS great!

 
a.f., thank you for your birthday wish :) cc's pictures were hilarious! it's a mock political campaign. she has printed flyers and signs that say, "Goldwater/Miller 2008" (CC/Stephanie) "Famous Family Name. No Skills whatsoever. Just like Bush/Cheney!" :)

thx keller!

 
:: Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone, Silence the pianos and with muffled drum Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead, Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves, Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. He was my North, my South, my East and West, My working week and my Sunday rest, My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong. The stars are not wanted now: put out every one; Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun; Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood. For nothing now can ever come to any good.::WH Auden

 
when all goes to hell-fuck with your hair! :)

 

 
nikki you're sooooo bad. ;)

J-P Sartre said, "hell is other people." I think he was wrong. Well at least about this kid :)

ack this movie was pretty lame, but i like this schlockey, sappy song. yes i am hopeless. lol. :)

i don't have any new photos. i've been kind of burned out on photography lately, i need a new model...anyway my magazine is coming out soon, George even got me a good price! and i have my food editor, accounts manager, arts girl, etc. So i think i'll wait until the first edition to do more photos, but right now it's a kind of a thinking moment.

and here is what i've been thinking.

one, that i need to get over paula. this is my only stumbling block right now. i've tried three times to get her back, so i guess it's not working, and it's been like 10 years in lesbian time (ie. 6 months) and i need to just let it go.

So I wrote this for her just to say she really meant something to me, and now hopefully i will forget how wonderful she is and move the hell on.

for p.e.

swallowed by a memory
is there a worse place to be?

it was you
it was me

it was almost
fantasy

what have you done to me?

beautiful were you
beautiful was me

dreamy yummy memory
when

it was us
it was we

 

why i love being in my family :)

in the midst of CA's biggest evacuation ever, i called my family in San Diego to see how things were going, and who was safe, and who was where...

my awesome bro-in-law, seemed the usual san diegan unconcerned about the problem, and answered, "well if the fire gets any closer, i guess we'll just have to get our boards out and wait it out."

the best part about it was i could actually hear him smiling. I love my family because we just don't care. We will always have fun whenever, wherever. :)

summer memory 1

one night i was with my friends at the usual...i had been trying to date this girl named C. Well, she is very cute, but didn't pass the all-important, "do my friends like her?" test. What I did like about her though were our private conversations, she didn't seem annoying then, but down to earth, and funny and cute. But for some reason in a group, she really liked to call attention to herself in negative ways. Most of our second date we spent apart, i was busy with my friends, we were trying to start our first band, called the 86'd, people were drinking and laughing and having fun, but i was always talking with others. It was cute how she'd come find me, and we'd have little private talks and then when someone would show up she'd turn into too inquisitive know it all. she would have like 100 quetions for them, and try to make herself look good, while actually doing the reverse. it was seriously embarrassing. but i had hope. she was still kind of cute, and she wasn't all clingy, and we could be apart at parties, so that meant she wasn't socially awkward, which i also admired. Anyway i liked her, except for the few weird things she was doing. Anyway, one of my favorite moment of the summer was when Nikki realized before me that this would be a terrible connection. So she and my friend Cheyenne did this thing. I didn't know what was even happening until i was right in the middle of it. :)

C. comes up to me to dance.
Nikki steps in front of me, seperating us, and announces "she doesn't want to dance."
then Cheyenne does the same thing, she puts her body between me and C.
and C. says what? and moves towards me to dance
i stand there speechless, and just watch them block her from me.
when C. finally moves away, i realize what has just happened.
and i say, "you guys just didn't..."
and Cheyenne says with a big smile, "OHHH we SOOOO DID."

they told me there was no way they were going to let me to continue to see her. lol. all i could do was laugh! wow what was i thinking?

lol. i saw C. the other day, she's moving to NM, and she seems to have mellowed out. Thank God. I hate NM, yeah it never would have worked out! I have good friends. :)

 
hee hee i love becca's legs :)

 
lindsay calls it my "lucky tie." lol.

 
annie tries to resist temptation...lol!

 

 
bonnie is wondering...is this guy REALLY gay? um, sorry babe, yep he's a homo. :) lol.

 
yes, i still get the occasional crush on a straight girl...non-blonde too! wow. :)

 
work it girl! :)

 
my hot gorgeous co-worker/korean friend bonnie :) yummy :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
i love sunday mornings :)

 

 

when drunk friends take your picture...part 2

 

 
amelia has 3 kittens!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

experiments

party monster james st. james @ the burn fashion show

 

 
yes i need a haircut.

too much chronic for the ill33t

 

 

 

 

Chronic Ill33t!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the essential food groups